a bad dream

i dreamt last night that my brother had died.

we were swimming in the ocean near the shore(this is actually the second ocean-related dream i've had with Chris), and it was getting dark as we were swimming toward these people. it became a queue, and as we weaved through the line, we noticed sharks sneaking up and snatching people from below, but in a silent and stealthy way, like moray eels just popping up and grabbing before retracting to the deeper water. we were reaching the destination (?) without noticing any commotion, when my brother was grabbed. we both tried kicking at the shark's gills, and he was dragged away but there was no sure way of telling whether or not he made it.

so i find myself in this building on the water, old wood everywhere, imagine like a cross between a small library and a hotel check-in counter where i went to inquire about Chris. there was a list of survivors and a list of wounded, as well as a list of the deceased. for some reason i had all this hope and confidence because as i was asking the woman (an asian woman), she had the first list showing, on one side of a sheet of paper.
but, as she checked for his name - much in the way a librarian might look through a catalog listing, as in, without any particular solemnity - she turns the sheet over and says i was mistaken, and that my brother was listed among the dead. what followed was pretty awful, i fell to my knees, and was so sad - and promptly woke up and was freaked out for the first ten minutes of my day.